It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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