Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
