My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
