i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
