You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
