Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
