Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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