i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
