I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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