no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
