he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
