It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
