He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
