so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize