I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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