3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
