xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
