do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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