If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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