I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
It was confusing and full of hummus
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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