everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
