i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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