have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize