just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
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