I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
