just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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