He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
accomplished twins. life is a go
My balls are so social today.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
