Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize