Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Randomize
