I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
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