u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You are a genius and a whore.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize