I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
