Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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