I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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