my phone needs a breathalizer
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
