You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
