i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
