I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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