can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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