i dont even know how to be here
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
