What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
