my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
