i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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