took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
