Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
