my phone needs a breathalizer
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
