dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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