Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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