how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i dont even know how to be here
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
