You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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