My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
