i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
