making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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