I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize