no, he came in my armpit
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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