You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
