I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
