I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
