Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Randomize