he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize