I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
