Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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