After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
