Don't make out with my wife yet
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize